Science Exam Answers

If you need a laugh, try reading through these childrens's science exam answers :) Enjoy!

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? (...got to hand it to the children, their imagination!)
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in thi fight.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? (I do love this one....)
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks foward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen)
(Brilliant, love this!)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainum contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the bowels; A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section"
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Job description of a Parent

                                 POSITION:                           Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
                         Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
                             JOB DESCRIPTION:
              Long term, team players needed, for challenging
                           permanent work in an
                        often chaotic environment.
              Candidates must possess excellent communication
             and organizational skills and be willing to work
         variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
                   and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
            Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in
                             far away cities!
                      Travel expenses not reimbursed.
                  Extensive courier duties also required.
                             RESPONSIBILITIES:
                          The rest of your life.
            Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
                          until someone needs $5.
                Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
               Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
                                 pack mule
        and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
                   in case, this time, the screams from
              the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
         Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
        such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
                            and stuck zippers.
              Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
           coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
         Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
               for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
              Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
                        an embarrassment the next.
       Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
              Must assume final, complete accountability for
                      the quality of the end product.
            Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
                 janitorial work throughout the facility.
                 POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:                                   None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining,
              constantly retraining and updating your skills,
          so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
                           PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
                       None required unfortunately.
      On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis..
                          WAGES AND COMPENSATION:                          Get this! You pay them!
                   Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
            A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
               of the assumption that college will help them
                      become financially independent.
               When you die, you give them whatever is left.
         The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
          you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
                                 BENEFITS:
             While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
              no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
                       no stock options are offered;
      this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
                            unconditional love,
     and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right..

                     Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything
                         they do on a daily basis,
                  letting them know they are appreciated
           for the fabulous job they do .. or forward with love
                to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
              ** AND A FOOTNOTE?
                   THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
         If you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents!

Interesting Stuff

In the 1400's, a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV waws Fred Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow and at least 75% of people who read this will try it.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska.

The percentage of Africa that it wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-sized dog to the age of eleven: $16, 400

The average number of people airbone over the U.S. in any given hour: 61, 000.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable Cars ar the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs - Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111, 111, 111 X 111,111,111 = 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two peope signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Q: Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A: Their birthplace

Q: Most owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A: Obsession

Q: If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A: One thousand

Q: What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A: All were invented by women.

Q: What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A: Honey

Q: Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A: Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattresses tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase........"Goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4, 000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this peroid was called honey month, which we know today as honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts.... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
It's where we get the phrase "Mind your P's and Q's".

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

Don't skip this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs
is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod
as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh?

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2011 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have their e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cellphone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
11.  You start tilting your head sideways when you smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to share this message with.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~

NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING AT YOURSELF.

Happy New Year 2011!